| A Rant |
[Apr. 23rd, 2009|12:33 pm] |
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I can't wait for this semester to be over. Oh wait, I have to take summer classes. Then another year of being an under grad. Then two more years of grad school. I want to stop reading papers and writing papers and just work and take a trip somewhere. But if I do that then I have to start paying back my loans and it will be nearly impossible for me to go back to school while I pay back thousands of dollars. Sometimes I want to give up on getting a degree, just stop caring what everyone would think and how disappointed they would be if I stopped going to school. I could always go back, but being a non-traditional student is for some reason looked down upon. My mother would be so upset. I feel so overwhelmed with my life right now. Not only do I hate parts of my life right now, I hate the U.S. and most of the developed countries and all the corrupt things that go on all over the world. I wish I could go back in time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2009|07:00 pm] |
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Impossible to stop self-loathing. |
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| Writer's Block: More Island Time |
[Mar. 3rd, 2009|08:16 pm] |
Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger
To Kill A Mocking Bird by Harper Lee
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Welcome to the Monkey House by Kurt Vonnegut
and uh The Malleus Malificarum... just for kicks |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 27th, 2009|08:07 am] |
Lately I get in this state of mind that I would describe as a dream. Its as if life around me is a movie that I am watching, like I haven't woken up yet. I feel like I am not in my body but in a chair behind my eyes controlling what I look at but there is no feeling. It is the weirdest feeling and I really don't like it at all. Doing some research on it yesterday I came to the conclusion that I get it because of anxiety. The feeling itself is called depersonalization and it can be caused because of a few things; drug use, dissociative disorders, caffeine, and anxiety. Over the past year my anxiety has gotten worse. I got off of my medication for anxiety/depression about two and a half years ago and I was fine. But now I get it almost everyday when I have nothing to be anxious about. Honestly I think that I get anxious because I am growing up and life is going by so fast that its scary. I am always scared. Even in the dark, something I was never scared of before. I think I might go talk to someone, just to get things said. I always feel better after talking.
Kate Talbot |
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| I should update way more |
[Feb. 17th, 2009|10:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | South Park | ] |
( more watercolors )
I wish I wasn't so lazy. I should update more. But for now, Jay and I are going to go get a drink at the bar. |
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| A Change |
[Nov. 5th, 2008|09:41 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the news | ] |
This is exciting.
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| Halloween |
[Oct. 27th, 2008|04:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Animal House | ] |
What are you being for halloween?
I can't decide, I've had a few ideas:
Buzz Lightyear
a beaver (for UMF)
Alex from A Clockwork Orange
Jesus from The Big Lebowski
Also, toga party on my birthday. |
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| Enlightened Despotism |
[Oct. 14th, 2008|08:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | tick tocks of wall clocks | ] |
I truly and honestly cannot fathom why the color of someone's skin matters.
I need to watch Century of the Self in its entirety, looks right up my alley: the history of the psychology behind consumer America, which the narrator dubs an "enlightened despotism". Speaking of which, I have decided to double major in history and psychology. My Abnormal Psych professor gave me an anxiety attack today when he compared our current economic situation to pre-Nazi Germany and said we were only a dozen or so years away. Ahh!
The current status of the U.S. is making me want to load up on self-sustaining books and live in a cabin out in the deep woods of Maine where I will be fully prepared for the impeding death of capitalism and the chaotic years that follow. |
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| October. |
[Oct. 12th, 2008|08:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Happiness is a Warm Gun - Jason J. Aceto | ] |
We hosted our first rugby social last night. It was great. The womens team has lost every game this season, but it's because we have a brand new team, our game to game improvement is fantastic. Our last game is this coming saturday, all in all, an okay season.
This is just an awesome picture.
In other news, Jay and I have been doing so well. A year in november, how cool. I can hear him singing in the shower right now, I'm crazy about him. |
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| Love |
[Sep. 24th, 2008|06:12 pm] |
I am so unappreciative.
I do not let the people I love the most know how much they mean to me.
I want all of the people in my life to know how much I love and appreciate them. |
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| F08 |
[Sep. 18th, 2008|09:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | FIFA (rolls eyes) | ] |
Fall 08 Analysis:
General Psych: Horrible. Worst. Kids. Ever. Boring.
Abnormal Psych: Interesting, lots of reading, but I like the subject.
Family Theory and Research: Not what I thought it was but enjoying it.
History of Slavery in the Americas: Walt, seriously, easy on the reading. Good stuff though.
Rugby: Ugh. Our team is nowhere near ready for UNH this weekend.
Research Assistant Job: Can't dedicate enough time to it right now, so I feel bad. But will be able to shortly I hope.
The Homestead: Quit that s.o.b.
The Apt: a little messy but we hold it down.
Myself: I've been very stressed out these past few weeks but hopefully leaving the Homestead will alleviate some of the stress. I just have an unbelievable amount of work and it feels like no one else around me does which makes me feel crappy and jealous. I've been feeling pretty down on myself lately, feeling depressed and worthless I guess is the right word. I've been feeling like everyone thinks I'm an asshole. Ugh, I don't know. What is wrong with me? Jane suggested I get back on paxil, but fuck that pill. I don't want to rely on medication to function. Personally I think I am a very sensitive, insecure person who lives in a disappointing, disgusting, cruel world. I am thankful that I have friends and family that care about me and would do anything for me. I am especially thankful for Nicky and Jay. Nicky is a such a good friend and is great to talk to. Jay is just wonderful and supportive and I am so happy to have him around. |
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| Waves |
[Sep. 6th, 2008|08:27 am] |
All I've wanted to do all summer was go to the ocean.
Jay took me. :) |
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| Change For The Better |
[Aug. 27th, 2008|02:41 pm] |
I roll the window down
And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.
Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.
"Do they collide?"
I ask and you smile.
With my feet on the dash
The world doesn't matter.
When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride
When you need directions then I'll be the guide
For all time.
For all time.
-------------------------------
Positive change. Positive, positive change. |
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| What I'm Doing Today |
[Aug. 24th, 2008|04:28 pm] |
This is the second time this summer that I have had the house to myself. It's nice to have some alone time every now and then. I love spending time with Jase and Nicky but I forgot how much I like spending time alone. Just my thoughts and I. I'm going to make curried pasta with cauliflower and chick peas tonight. I have really enjoyed cooking in my house! I'm becoming quite a kitchen nerd. New hobbies are exciting. I found another polaroid camera, but, it was broken. I started getting my books for school in the mail, my abnormal psych book is awesome, I've been scanning through it reading little tidbits. Looking forward to the fall.
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| Yummm White Russians |
[Aug. 11th, 2008|07:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Postal Service | ] |
It's gonna be a good night. |
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| I Wont Wait |
[Aug. 7th, 2008|01:36 pm] |
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I have been enjoying this dark, rainy summer. I'm not one for 80 degree weather. I am both looking forward to, and fearing the fall. Looking forward to because it is my favorite season and smells the best, especially rainy fall days. Fearing because I will be a junior in college already. I still don't know what I want to do with my life. My thoughts and life accomplishments dart from wanting to be a great cake decorator to a social worker to being a nutritionist (the latest, I just started reading a new book called Diet For A Small Planet, and I dig it.) People always say that I have all the time in the world to decide what I want to do for my life. While that may be true, I certainly do not have all the money in the world to prolong this expensive college education. I almost want to drop out, I almost want to just go part time and do my own thing and learn from my own reading and experiences to figure out what I should do. Then again, who wants to do the same thing their entire life? I think it would get boring. Maybe I'll do everything I want to do someday. While that seems like a rather large accomplishment, I bet it isn't. |
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| bacon, lettuce, and tomato |
[Jul. 6th, 2008|01:46 pm] |
I hate when people come to the homestead and order bitchy sandwiches. Can't you just make your crappy turkey breast sandwich at home? I'm going to count how many BLTs I sell between now and the end of summer. |
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| 398 |
[Jun. 24th, 2008|08:48 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Radiohead | ] |
I am sitting in my bed in underwear and a button up shirt stealing internet from my neighbor. Jay is at RYLA until thursday teaching kids how to become leaders and I miss him, but I know he is very passionate about what he's doing. Ben graduated this weekend and I went home for that. My dad came up for virginia and I was excited at first but, he had changed into someone I don't know and it was a sad thing. Jay and I picked him up in Manchester and he hardly let either of of speak. He wouldn't get to know Jay at all and I felt like an asshole because he was not the person I had told Jay about. He didn't ask how I was or even give me a hug. I was pretty sad about it. And then, I dunno, I guess its just weird to see your parents who have been divorced for 16 years chain smoke and chat in the living room with Wheel of Fortune loudly blaring in the background. I felt pressured to spend time with people that I dislike and it was unpleasant. Jane has lost her mind, and I don't know who Jim is anymore, just some guy who hates Virginia and The Skyline Resort. Needless to say I was glad to get back up to my apartment. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2008|07:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Mean Girls is on T.V. | ] |
I really wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life.
I move into my new apartment tomorrow.
Been kind of bummed for a day or two.
I can't wait to start working again. No cash flow sucks.
I want to see Jay more than anything and have a hug fest. |
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| Rest In Peace OneStep 600 |
[May. 23rd, 2008|09:09 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Death Cab For Cutie - Expo '86 | ] |
Horrible news. The second love of my life, my onestep 600 has died. The collaboration of a broken beer bottle and a failed double exposure have caused the death of my dear friend. I did find an sx-70 yesterday but it too is dead. Today I plan on going to a thrift store and pawn shop in order to find a new camera. But in memory of my first baby I will post my top 10 favorite polaroids that I have uploaded onto my computer.
10.)
9.)
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2.)
1.)
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